Measuring Up
I found this gem of a picture in my grandmother’s photo album. I was a young teen, trying to look much older. My insecurity made it hard to feel worthy. It seemed like everyone but me had their life together. I felt safe at Grandma’s. She accepted every version of me that showed up each summer—even the teen who was doing her best to look older, but no wiser. I may have sounded self-assured, but I never fooled Grandma. Before I’d leave for home, Grandma always had me pose on the dock. The outfit? It was most certainly a self-chosen, star-bangled mess. I desperately wanted to look confident. But even in the sunshine, I was walking in the dark. Fast forward a few years, and I was on my own—an 18-year-old college freshman, scooping ice-cream and making deli-sandwiches to pay my bills. I had ditched the short-shorts and knee-high boots, and my new clothing statement was a full-length purple cape that I wore every time I walked across campus. Perhaps my clothes were speaking what