Trial and Error Teen Parenting Manual

Listen while driving

I used to be in the teen parenting trenches. I survived. My kids did too. I half-jokingly tell them I hope one day to make enough money to pay for their counseling.

Some parents have it easier than others. They have firm handles in place in case the teenage wheels come off and they’re able to stop the raging hormonal craft before it crash lands. Others, like me, learn as we go.

Hear and Be Near

I learned some critical things:


·      Your teen will remember all the words you wished you hadn’t said.
·      They may have selective recall of the words you really meant.
·      They seem to have little need for your advice, but they do listen.
·      No one likes living in or around a battleground.
·      Older teens have good BS Detectors. Honesty works both ways. 

After a decade working with community teens, I see that they live in a crazy mixed up world. They need far more preparation than K-12 schooling. When teens say you don’t understand, they’re probably right. In some ways, they'd like you to know more, just so you'd know what they face. And they really need people around they can trust. 

I had all the tools I needed when my teens were home, but I didn’t realize it. So here’s my hardware list for you:

·      Ears: Use them ALL the time. Listen well and respond with care.
·      Notes: Post-its, text, email. Send short reminders how much you love them.
·      Research the latest trends—the bad (STDs, drugs, influences) and the good. You need to know.
·      Volunteer at school: You’ll get to know their territory—wise tactical move.


Plan for the future
The key is to help your teen see far enough ahead to be able to make the wise choices to get there. A motivated teen can step around the adolescent minefield.
Such a short time together

School counselors have limited time to focus on your teen. Be the resourceful parent. It’s a balancing act between their independence and making sure they meet key deadlines for college/career moves. Remember, they haven’t done this before.

 Sometimes their resistance to us is actually their newfound recognition that independence comes with a cost that places a burden on them. Carefree days are not so carefree anymore--freedom's price tag.



I've also discovered: once a parent always a parent. I'm still available to mine and like to help others. And even if you've never been a parent, there will always be a youth who could use one.


(Grand)Parenting continues......
Oh, one more thing. In between my first teen and my second, I decided I couldn't do it without Help. God helped soften my combativeness.

As I learned more, I found that with God inside me I had access to qualities I desperately needed: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control.

God's advice is timeless--everything that's been done or gone wrong is on full display in the Bible. The best part for me is the 24/7 support system.
And who couldn't use that?


Popular posts from this blog

Counting the Cost

Image
Something big is missing in this photo. Let me explain. Here in my hometown, the Lower Elwha Klallam Tribe prepared a parcel of land for a new hotel. Plenty of planning and architectural designs were evaluated. A gemstone of a hotel would be built across from the waterfront—a beautiful, restful place welcoming travelers. A true four-star facility.   They cleared the aging brick structures that had been fading away between Front Street and Railroad Avenue. Then the pandemic hit, shortages of labor and supplies, add in the costly inflation that followed. Everything stopped.   But this is what I admire about the Elwha Tribe: they have counted the cost. They didn’t want to move forward and take on tremendous debt. They would rather move slowly and be financially ready, rather than begin building and then letting it sit unfinished.   Counting the cost is something I should have done earlier in life when I didn’t know what high interest rates would do to our farming cost...
Read more

Summertime Music

Image
During the summer months, in an outside seating area, a delightfully painted piano sits with a sign that says, “Play me”.   It was just before 8 pm as I walked past the piano. My bus would be arriving soon, and I still have another ten minutes to walk before reaching my bus stop. But no one is around. It’s a beautiful warm evening. I pulled out the piano bench and sat down. The sun was behind me, and the piano keys reflected its glow. I had no music in front of me, only the songs within me. Notes drifted into the air.  In those brief moments, the magic of music and summer came together. Isn’t that how it is? Summertime music has a way of lingering in our minds and lasting a lifetime. As I stood and grabbed my things, I heard distant clapping—I guess I wasn’t alone, after all.
Read more

Planting Good Seeds

Image
Harvest will always depend on what we plant and how well we care for our crop.    Looking over my seed packets, I notice they’re different than the ones I planted before. One package is called Word seeds. The directions say that each of my words is a seed, so it cautions me to think before I speak. Harsh words don’t produce sweet, nourishing fruit. These seeds will require thoughtful care in the garden. I see some Volunteer seeds. Those extra hours I tend to fritter away are going to be planted in a useful project.   It looks like time isn’t wasted in this garden plot. Next are some Love seeds—the directions are interesting: get up each day and love others. No specifics are given—just do something for someone every day. The seed package shows pictures of smiling faces. I smile back. As I’m ready to head to the garden with my seeds, a package falls to the ground. I open it. Inside are the tiniest seeds I’ve ever seen—but the directions s...
Read more