Running for Congress

Mid-term elections are still ahead and since I have some time on my hands, why not toss my name in the ring for US Congress? Here’s my resume: I have no political experience. I detest turmoil, angst, and playing games (just ask my family about the playing games part).

I’m honest too. So before I ever print my first campaign brochure, I want to be completely transparent: I’m in it for the money. Once I have a seat in either the House or Senate my retirement would be secure. I’d also get a waiver from the Affordable Care Act. And since I have failure-anxiety, I wouldn’t have to worry, because Congress is already failing quite well on its own.

by Jerry Holbert

What I lack in experience I make up in my speed-reading ability. I could plow through those 2000-page bills. Here’s a bonus—I can even read things I don’t understand —a real plus considering their typical legislation.

The downside of being in Congress is living in the wrong Washington. But since my bills will be paid, my retirement is set, and I can keep my favorite doctor, it might just be worth it.

But I jest. I have too many friends on both sides of the aisle and once in Congress I might forget what it’s like to be diplomatic, fair, and listen to both sides.

I was taught to talk to people not talk about people—a challenging concept to legislators. So I’ll just stay out of politics, work hard, keep my own budget balanced, and play by the rules they've created for as long as I can afford to. Which in terms of affordability might not be too long.

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