Wasting Our Money on Ridiculous Research

First off, I do support federal medical research to find cures for deadly and debilitating diseases. But there’s a bunch of federally-funded scientific waste. Highlights of your tax dollars at work:

Did you know that birds given alcohol-laced grape juice slur their songs?

Why do people spill coffee when they walk? Researchers discovered that walking slower will “reduce the chance of spilling.” Duh.

Americans forked over almost two million dollars to find out if we could outrun a dinosaur.

Another half-million was spent studying whether or not Facebook is addictive.

Even with our separation of church and state, taxpayers gave $3.5 million to figure out why the face of Jesus appears on toast.

I bet you didn’t know that congressional female Democrats are less feminine than Republican congresswomen. Thankfully we only spent $50,000 on that National Science Foundation grant.

Speaking of Republicans and Democrats, almost a million dollars was spent figuring out which group is more disgusted by eating worms.

Okay, if you’re going to get stung by a bee, where will it hurt the most? Researchers had bees sting the penises of volunteers to help determine the findings. No, that area doesn’t hurt as bad as the upper lip. This particular NSF study cost taxpayers one million dollars.

The National Institutes of Health is begging for more money to research the Zika virus. Perhaps if they spent less on getting birds drunk, more money would be available.

Here’s a new research project: studying how we can make our government more fiscally accountable.

Because when money is wasted everyone pays one way or another.