Love Can Make Us Real


During my 1970’s-era summer Teen Leadership Camp I can recall those impossibly thin sleeping mattresses, mystery meat meals, and hot, humid days. But the memorable lesson came from all 200 campers gathering for a reading from The Velveteen Rabbit.

For those who may need a refresher on that childhood classic by Margery Williams, it’s the story of a furry toy rabbit and a little boy. Becoming Real is what the toy rabbit wants most. Consulting with the Skin Horse, who is already Real, the Velveteen Rabbit asks what being Real means.





“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. It’s a thing that happens to you. When a Child loves you for a long, long time not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”


“Does it Hurt?”


“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”


“Does it happen all at once,” he asked, or bit by bit?


“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen to people who break easily or have sharp edges or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But those things don’t matter at all because once you are real you can’t be ugly except to people who don’t understand.”



The leaders let us sit in collective silence as we contemplated what being real meant to each of us. Our camp director wanted us to imagine how it might feel to be that toy rabbit—longing to be loved unconditionally. The Velveteen Rabbit was surrounded by flashier toys that diminished the qualities he had inside. Once the Rabbit had been loved faithfully and continuously, he did became Real. The lesson? Remember the Rabbit.




It all sounded good at camp, but once I was back in school, with a full course load of classes, I don’t recall having much success helping anyone become Real. Perhaps it was just a good children’s story—and a memorable lesson from a camp where we all were thinking alike. 


Fast forward to 2020. No one needs to review how tough this year has been. 


But I was reminded of that crowded meeting hall long ago—packed with teens listening to the Velveteen Rabbit. We’d been sent back to our schools, to think about how that lonely rabbit felt. Yet, what would have happened if we’d been encouraged to think like the little boy—as someone who loved unconditionally? Being Real only came because of the little boy’s love. 





Can I do that now? Can I be the one to enjoy someone’s quirky ways and celebrate their uniqueness? Can l appreciate someone’s differing political preferences—without criticizing them? Can I love, even if it hurts, because love will hurt sometimes.


Over my lifetime, I have learned that being loved matters, and it’s easy to love those who think alike. But I haven’t had a whole lot of success loving like that little boy did—unconditionally. 


2020 is a good year for me to try again—because love can make someone Real. And the more Real people we have, the more love there will be.


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